It’s Not Just You — Motherhood Has Changed
My nan raised five kids without ever hearing the word “self-care.”
My mum worked full-time, somehow made packed lunches, and still had time to chat with neighbours over a cuppa.
And me? I’m raising children with Wi-Fi, WhatsApp groups, and a constant feeling that I’m one step behind.
Sound familiar?
If you’ve ever wondered why motherhood feels heavier than it used to — even with modern conveniences and Instagram-worthy gadgets — you’re not imagining it.
In just three generations, the entire landscape of motherhood has changed.
The expectations, the support systems, the pace of life — everything has shifted.
And while progress has brought freedom, it’s also brought a quiet, invisible strain.
“It takes a village to raise a child — but most of us no longer have one.” — African Proverb
The 1950s–60s: When the Village Was Real
In our grandmothers’ day, life was simpler — and smaller. Families lived close by, neighbours knew each other’s kids, and there was always someone to lend a hand.
Most mums were full-time caregivers. There were fewer parenting books, less comparison, and little pressure to “get it right.” Children played outside, meals were predictable, and everyone ate the same dinner at the same time.
There were, of course, limits — women often lacked financial independence or career choice. But there was community. There were shared routines and collective care. When someone had a new baby, casseroles appeared at the door without needing a WhatsApp reminder.
The 1980s–90s: The Superwoman Era
By the time our mothers became parents, the message had changed. Feminism had opened doors — and a whole new kind of pressure walked through them.
Suddenly women could “have it all”: career, family, fitness, a social life, and a spotless house.
Convenience foods promised to save time. But with those “time savers” came longer working hours, commutes, and after-school clubs.
For the first time, many mums were expected to do it all alone. The village was fading, but the expectations were growing.
“Women were told they could be anything — but no one told them they had to be everything.”
This generation did extraordinary things — but at the cost of exhaustion, guilt, and self-neglect. They carried the baton of progress, but without a map for balance.
The 2000s–2020s: The Always-On Era
Now, we’re parenting in a world our grandmothers couldn’t have imagined.
The internet connects us — and yet somehow isolates us more than ever.
We’re comparing our real lives to everyone else’s highlight reels.
We’re juggling work emails, playdates, and school WhatsApp groups.
We’re reading about “gentle parenting” while trying to reply to a work message and stir the pasta sauce before it burns.
We’re parenting without a village, in a culture that glorifies busyness and perfection.
The invisible pressure to do more, know more, and be more — it’s relentless.
And it’s no wonder burnout has become the new normal.
(Link to: Modern Motherhood Burnout: Why So Many Mums Feel Overwhelmed)
The Invisible Load
Behind every mum’s to-do list is another list — the one no one sees.
Remembering birthdays. Noticing the empty toothpaste. Scheduling doctor’s appointments. Tracking school projects.
This mental load — also known as emotional labour — runs quietly in the background, 24/7.
It’s not just about doing the tasks; it’s about thinking about them all the time.
“The mental load is like having 50 tabs open in your brain — and you can’t close any of them.”
When we live in this constant state of mental multitasking, our executive function — the brain’s ability to focus, plan, and prioritise — starts to fray.
That’s why so many mums feel scattered, forgetful, or “not themselves.”
(Link to: Why You Can’t Seem to Get Anything Done: Understanding Executive Function and Burnout)
Why We’re More Isolated (Even When Surrounded by People)
Technology connects us globally, but not locally.
We have thousands of followers but no one to pop over when the baby won’t stop crying.
Our families live miles away. Our partners work long hours.
And childcare costs often make returning to work feel impossible.
What used to be shared between neighbours, aunties, and friends now sits on one person’s shoulders — ours.
That’s not weakness. That’s a structural shift.
Rebuilding the Modern Village
Here’s the good news: we’re not powerless.
More of us are saying enough. We’re finding new ways to reconnect — to rebuild our own version of the village.
Through women’s circles, health coaching, wellbeing walks, retreats, and online communities, we’re remembering what our grandmothers already knew — that connection heals.
“We can’t go back to our grandmothers’ world — but we can rebuild our own version of the village.”
Why Community Is the Missing Piece
Community isn’t just “nice to have” — it’s how we thrive.
Studies show that genuine social connection reduces stress, boosts emotional resilience, and even strengthens the immune system (Holt-Lunstad, 2018).
When we’re surrounded by people who get it — who nod knowingly when you say “I haven’t slept properly in years” — something softens inside us. We stop pretending. We start breathing again.
Because when we gather — whether that’s walking through Bath’s fields, chatting over coffee, or simply standing side by side — we remember we’re not meant to do this alone.
That’s why I created the Wellbeing Walks and local Coffee Meet-Ups — gentle, real-life ways to reconnect with yourself and with others. No judgement, no small talk pressure. Just genuine, grounded community.
These are the small, brave steps that rebuild the modern village — and they’re exactly what feed into the bigger picture: sustainable wellbeing and, eventually, The After Glow community — a space designed to help women nurture themselves long after the walk ends.
Join a Wellbeing Walk in Bath or come along to the next Coffee Meet-Up — your calm starts here.
Final Reflection
Three generations ago, motherhood was shared.
Two generations ago, it was glorified.
Now, it’s time to make it sustainable.
Because when we start supporting the mother, we start healing the whole system.
References
Craig, L. & Mullan, K. (2011). How Mothers and Fathers Share Care: A Cross-National Time-Use Comparison. Journal of Family Issues, 32(8), pp. 1080–1101.
Hochschild, A.R. & Machung, A. (1989). The Second Shift: Working Parents and the Revolution at Home. Viking.
Holt-Lunstad, J. (2018). Social Relationships and Health: A Flashpoint for Health Policy. Journal of Health and Social Behavior, 59(4), pp. 437–450.
Office for National Statistics (ONS). (2023). Families and the Labour Market, UK.
OECD. (2022). Trends in Working Mothers Across Generations.
NHS Digital. (2023). Maternal Mental Health Data Set Annual Report.
UN Women. (2020). Unpaid Care Work and the Gender Gap.
About the Author
Mariko Broome is a trauma-informed transformational health coach and women’s wellbeing advocate.
Through her workshops, writing, and coaching, she helps women heal burnout, realign with their purpose, and create sustainable calm — one real step at a time.
