Do you ever sit in your car for a few minutes — scrolling, answering messages, or just sitting in silence — before you walk through the door and switch “on” again? Because I certainly do. And if we’re honest, those moments of pause might be the only thing keeping modern motherhood burnout from completely swallowing us whole.
Finding some peace, no matter how little, can feel like a moment of bliss within a storm — because locking yourself in the toilet just seems to make your children find you faster.
That small pause says everything about modern womanhood.
We’re not lazy. We’re not failing. We’re living in a world that expects us to do it all, and do it perfectly.
“Women are expected to work like they don’t have children and raise children as if they don’t work.”
— Amy Westervelt
The Invisible Job No One Talks About
The mental load — the constant thinking, anticipating, and remembering — is exhausting.
It’s not just the doing; it’s the managing of the doing.
A Frontiers in Psychology (2023) paper linked the “mental load” of women to cognitive fatigue, emotional depletion, and reduced executive function.
That means when you can’t focus or you forget why you walked into the room, it’s not you being disorganised — it’s your brain trying to juggle too much.
Chronic stress literally reduces activity in the prefrontal cortex (the planning centre of the brain) by up to 40 percent (Journal of Neuroscience, 2021).
So no, you’re not losing it — your brain’s just overloaded.
When the Load Becomes Too Heavy
For me, the mother load became unbearable when my work stopped bringing joy.
I loved helping people, but my NHS job had become another place where I was stretched too thin, constantly switched on, and rarely appreciated.
I stayed because it looked good on paper — the “right” thing to do.
I thought if I ticked all the boxes and kept everyone happy, the fulfilment would follow.
But the truth is, I was conforming, not thriving.
Women who feel “out of alignment” in their careers are twice as likely to report burnout symptoms (Harvard Business Review, 2022).
When your work, your hormones, and your sense of self all collide in midlife, it’s like your body holds up a mirror and whispers, “Is this really working for you?”
Mine wasn’t — and that realisation was both terrifying and liberating.
Acknowledging Privilege and Perspective
I know I’m in a fortunate position to have had the option to step away. Many women don’t — and that’s exactly why this conversation matters. The system relies on women pushing through exhaustion, ignoring their intuition, and carrying more than anyone realises.
Whether you’re able to change your circumstances right now or not, the first step is always the same: noticing that something isn’t working. Because awareness is where change begins — even if the action comes later.
The Aftermath of ‘Doing It All’
At first, leaving didn’t bring calm — it brought chaos.
I kept myself busy because slowing down felt wrong.
My body was tense, my mind was racing, and I woke up during the night in panic, heart pounding, already running through a mental list of everything I hadn’t done.
I was still running around like a headless chicken — only this time, I didn’t have a job title to hide behind.
It took months before I started to feel my shoulders drop again.
I began group skills sessions, therapy, breathing classes, strength training, and long walks with friends (especially in nature).
I spent slow mornings in coffee shops (never without a matcha latte) and learned to sit still without guilt.
For the first time in years, I gave myself permission to rest — really rest.
To recalibrate. To become human again.
And now, I can put my hand on my heart and say I finally feel calm.
“You can’t heal in the same chaos that broke you.”
Why We’re So Tired — And What Needs to Change
This isn’t just personal burnout; it’s cultural conditioning.
We’re praised for resilience, not rest.
For coping, not communicating.
For multitasking until we crash.
The good news? We can choose differently.
Healing doesn’t mean dropping everything and moving to Bali.
It means creating micro-moments of peace inside the life you already have.
Five minutes of deep breathing before you check emails.
Saying no when your body says please, not this week.
Letting the washing wait while you drink your tea hot — for once.
When we slow down, we don’t lose productivity — we gain clarity.
When we rest, we don’t become weaker — we become wiser about where to spend our energy.
“You don’t need balance. You need bandwidth.” — Mariko Broome
If This Feels Familiar
You’re not alone, and you’re certainly not broken.
You’re living in a world that asks for more than any one person can give.
And you deserve better.
Start by taking the Burnout Quiz — a compassionate check-in, not a test.
Then explore these follow-on reads to take your next real step:
Blog: Executive Function for Exhausted Women: How to Get Stuff Done When You Don’t Know Where to Start
Blog: Is It Hormones, Burnout or Neurodivergence? Understanding the Overlap in Perimenopause
Blog: Your Nervous System Is the Real Boss: How to Find Calm When Life Feels Too Much
Because you can’t pour from an empty cup — but you can refill it, one real step at a time.
References
Westervelt, A. (2018). Forget “Having It All” – Modern Motherhood and Workload Expectations.
Frontiers in Psychology (2023). “The Mental Load of Women: Cognitive Fatigue and Executive Function.”
Harvard Business Review (2022). “Career Alignment and Female Burnout.”
Journal of Neuroscience (2021). “Chronic Stress and Prefrontal Cortex Function.”
Mental Health Foundation (2023). Overwhelmed: The Mental Load Report.
About the Author
Mariko Broome is a trauma-informed transformational health coach and women’s wellbeing advocate. Through her workshops, writing, and coaching, she helps women heal burnout, realign with their purpose, and create sustainable calm — one real step at a time.
