Have you ever finally sat down — tea in hand, kids occupied, a few moments of calm — and felt your body tighten instead of relax?
Your mind starts racing: I should be folding laundry. I need to reply to that message. What am I doing just sitting here?
That uneasy, fidgety feeling that follows rest isn’t laziness. It’s the guilt hangover — and it’s a symptom of something deeper happening in your nervous system.
Why Rest Feels Unsafe for So Many Women
For many women, especially mothers, rest can feel almost wrong. We’ve been told our value lies in what we do — how productive, helpful, and self-sacrificing we can be. We grow up praised for achieving, not for existing.
As Tricia Hersey, founder of The Nap Ministry, says:
“We’ve been conditioned to believe that our worth is tied to our output. Rest is the rebellion.”
When you spend years proving your worth through doing, stopping can feel like failure. Your body has been wired to equate movement with safety — and stillness with guilt.
The Invisible Load and the Loss of Self
We (mums) are always on the go, moving things from one room to another. We constantly try to reset, for all our work to be undone in a matter of hours — sometimes even minutes.
Why is it so difficult for us to take time for ourselves? Why don’t we sit on the sofa with a cup of tea or water and allow our minds to clear for ten minutes? Or give ourselves permission for a breathing exercise, meditation, or that yoga class we keep postponing?
Why don’t we prioritise ourselves?
Do we really believe we’re doing our best — or are we wired to think we have to stay stuck on this never-ending rat wheel?
Because we know: whatever stress or anger cleaning we do today won’t last longer than it’s taken us.
We need to give ourselves a break.
As Brené Brown reminds us,
“If you always define yourself by what you do for others, you forget who you are to yourself.”
When every day becomes about serving, fixing, or keeping everyone else afloat, you start to lose touch with your own identity. Rest then feels like an indulgence — even though it’s the very thing you need to remember who you are.
Chronic Stress: The Hidden Hand Behind Rest Guilt
Modern life has most of us operating in chronic stress mode — a low-level state of alert where our bodies are constantly braced for the next thing.
Dr. Gabor Maté puts it perfectly:
“Chronic stress is not a badge of honour. It’s a sign your body has been in survival mode for too long.”
When your nervous system is dysregulated, rest can literally feel unsafe. Your body doesn’t distinguish between physical and emotional threat — it simply registers stillness as vulnerability.
That’s why you might sit down for five minutes and suddenly feel restless, irritated, or even anxious. Your sympathetic nervous system (the fight-or-flight response) is still running the show, whispering: “Move. Fix. Do something.”
What’s Really Going On in Your Body
Our brains and bodies were never designed to exist in constant overdrive.
Yet many women — especially caregivers — live in a cycle of hyper-vigilance. Your stress hormones rise and stay high. Cortisol and adrenaline keep you scanning, planning, and predicting.
Over time, this becomes your baseline. You forget what true rest feels like. Even sleep can feel shallow and unrefreshing because your body hasn’t learned to downshift.
Healing begins when you understand that this isn’t a willpower issue — it’s biology.
Healing the Nervous System: Relearning Safety in Stillness
Dr Arielle Schwartz writes:
“You can’t heal a dysregulated nervous system by pushing through. You heal it by teaching your body that it’s safe to slow down.”
Reconnecting with rest starts with small, consistent signals of safety.
Here are a few ways to begin retraining your body to rest — without guilt:
• Micro-rest moments: Instead of waiting for the perfect “me time,” find tiny pauses in your day — two minutes of deep breathing before a task, a mindful sip of tea, or three slow exhales before answering an email.
• Body over brain: Notice sensations of safety — warmth, soft light, the feeling of being supported by a chair. The body learns through experience, not logic.
• Soothing self-talk: Replace “I should be doing more” with “Rest is how I rebuild.”
• Boundaried rest: Protect small pockets of downtime as fiercely as appointments. This helps your nervous system trust that rest will return.
• Reframe your worth: You are not your to-do list. Productivity doesn’t equal value; presence does.
Burnout Recovery Begins with Permission to Pause
This isn’t about giving up — it’s about coming home.
“If you don’t make time for your wellness, you will be forced to make time for your illness.” — Joyce Sunada
Burnout recovery is rarely about doing more; it’s about doing less, on purpose.
Every time you let yourself rest without apology, you teach your nervous system that safety isn’t something you have to earn.
Rest isn’t selfish.
It’s your body’s way of whispering, “I’m ready to heal.”
Ready to explore what your body’s really asking for?
Take the Burnout Quiz to uncover how your stress, habits, and nervous system may be connected — and learn your first steps to sustainable calm.
Take the Burnout Quiz (coming soon)
Then, explore other reads in this series:
Blog: The Modern Motherhood Burnout: Why We’re All So Damn Tired
Blog: The Calm-from-Within Diet: How Food Shapes Your Mood, Energy and Focus
References
British Journal of Nutrition, 2022. Effects of blood glucose stability on mood, focus, and concentration: a dietary intervention study. British Journal of Nutrition, 128(4), pp. 612–620.
Frontiers in Psychology, 2023. The relationship between chronic blood glucose fluctuations, stress response, and mood regulation. Frontiers in Psychology, 14, Article 115092.
Hyman, M., 2019. Food: What the Heck Should I Eat? London: Yellow Kite.
Myhill, S., 2018. Diagnosis and Treatment of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Myalgic Encephalitis. Hammersmith: Hammersmith Health Books.
NHS, 2023. Sugar: The Facts. [online] Available at: https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/eat-well/food-types/sugar-nutrition/
[Accessed 20 October 2025].
About the Author
Mariko Broome is a trauma-informed transformational health coach and women’s wellbeing advocate.
Through her workshops, writing, and coaching, she helps women heal burnout, realign with their purpose, and create sustainable calm — one real step at a time.
