When perimenopause makes everything harder — and nobody told you it would

You’re mid-sentence, making a perfectly good point — and then your mind goes completely blank. The words evaporate. You pause, stare, and laugh it off. But inside you wonder: what’s happening to me?

If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. For many women — and particularly those whose minds have always worked a little differently — perimenopause can amplify everything that was once manageable. Focus, memory, mood and motivation can all feel like they’ve been thrown into a hormonal blender.

I grew up thinking everyone’s mind buzzed like popcorn — full of ideas, projects and plans. I wanted to try everything.

As a kid, I was constantly in motion: one belt off a black belt in karate, competing nationally in trampolining, representing my borough in the London Youth Games, and touring internationally in aggressive skating — on ramps, doing grinds, chasing adrenaline.

At the time, I didn’t realise that those moments of focus and flow were my brain’s way of finding calm in the chaos. Now I can see I was self-medicating with movement — and it worked, for a while.

Fast-forward a few decades, and something shifted. The clarity I once had started to slip. My motivation dipped, and the mental juggling act I’d always managed suddenly became impossible.

At first I thought I was just tired. Or distracted. But when I started learning more about perimenopause — and how it impacts dopamine and serotonin — it all started to make sense.

Oestrogen and progesterone fluctuations can begin as early as the mid-to-late 30s and continue for up to ten years before menopause. These hormones don’t just influence our cycles — they directly affect the brain chemicals that control focus, mood and motivation.

When they start to dip, so can our ability to think clearly, regulate emotions, and feel that spark of excitement that used to come so easily. This post on executive function and burnout explains more about what that looks like in daily life.

Declining oestrogen levels can cause brain fog, forgetfulness and reduced mental stamina. And when you add a lifetime of adapting, managing and holding everything together on top of fluctuating hormones, it’s no wonder so many women feel like they’re falling apart.

Perimenopause doesn’t just drain your energy — it can strip away the coping mechanisms you’ve relied on for years. The colour-coded planners, the mental checklists, the endless multitasking… suddenly, they don’t work like they used to.

This is where self-blame creeps in. You start wondering: why can’t I keep up? Why am I so emotional? Why can’t I remember the word for… what’s that thing again?

You’re not failing. Your brain is recalibrating — adjusting to a new hormonal landscape. And it’s doing it without nearly enough support from a healthcare system that still treats this transition as an afterthought. This post explains exactly why that is.

So many women have spent years holding it all together. Performing. Achieving. Caring for everyone else while ignoring their own needs.

And for a long time, that worked — until it didn’t.

Perimenopause can make the emotional load feel heavier and the world louder. The tolerance you once had just evaporates. The noise, the light, the small talk — it all starts to grate.

But maybe that’s not such a bad thing. Maybe this stage is your body’s way of saying: no more over-functioning, no more pretending, no more performing. It’s asking you to rebuild in a way that’s actually sustainable. If high functioning has been your default, this post is worth reading.

This stage of life doesn’t have to feel like chaos. With the right support, things can feel lighter. Here are a few things that make a real difference:

When hormones shift and everything feels harder, it can feel like the rules have changed overnight. But what if it’s not a breakdown — it’s a breakthrough?

You’re not meant to keep running at the same speed forever. You’re meant to evolve. This is the moment your body and mind are asking you to slow down, listen, and rebuild in a way that feels right for you.

The free burnout quiz takes three minutes and gives you a personalised result based on where you are right now. And if you’re ready to talk to someone who understands the whole picture — the free 30-minute conversation is always open.

Mariko Broome is a women’s health coach in Bath, specialising in burnout and nervous system health. She works with women who’ve tried the conventional route — and are ready for something different.